What to expect when you put your pet to sleep

I have repeatedly asked each of my pets to please die at home in their sleep. No matter how much I would prefer this type of death, none of my pets to date has been able to comply with my request. The death of a pet is difficult enough without having to take on the role of judge and executioner. But that's what I've had to be for each of them.

Inevitably, each of my previous dogs and cats, has suffered some disease or illness which has forced me to examine his or her quality of life and decide if it's time to get the vet involved. I try to wait as long as I can, but eventually they show me that it's time to say goodbye. For Spanky, it was her advanced years and the vet wanting to open her up to see what was wrong after 24 hour stay (and $1100 + bill) at the emergency facility. They'd shaved her in several areas, poked her with needles, put tubes down her, scoped her, x-rayed her, and made other attempts to find out what was wrong, but couldn't figure it out. She'd been in a small cage overnight and was trembling when I saw her. When I'd rescued her seven years previously, she'd been in a kennel for over a month and had licked all the hair off her paws and beat her tail on the floor until the hair was missing. She was neurotic when I took her home from the kennel, and I worried that the night in the cage brought back bad memories. I regretted having left her at the emergency clinic overnight after seeing how scared she was. And I believed that whatever was wrong was major, and that given her advanced years, the kindest thing would be to have her put to sleep. And so I did. They let me visit with her before they came into the room, and I stayed with her while they injected her and she faded away. As she was fading, I continued to tell her what a good girl she was and that I loved her, all the while crying. It never gets any better no matter how many animals you have to put to sleep; it just gets more familiar.

For Koa and Jessie, the end came a month apart. Jessie, a black Lab, had spinal problems and could no longer walk at the age of eleven; and Koa, an Akita, had bad hips and could no longer walk at the age of twelve. The vet, who is a mobile vet, had been coming to give Jessie shots to help her spinal problem, but eventually the drug stopped working. While Jessie was never fond of his visits, watching her try to crawl away from him as he inserted the needle was really heartbreaking this final time. Koa was sitting on the floor on a quilt I'd made (which he was buried in) and was put to sleep there. It seemed to take forever for him to die, but I think it was my emotions that made time stand still. Although it was nice not having to take them to a vet's office to be put to sleep, I've since had to take several pets to an office to be put down and I now prefer it. I think that's because it seemed to be less traumatic and go a bit smoother in the vet's office. When my dogs were put to sleep at home, the vet and the dog and I were all on the floor which was awkward. I also didn't like taking the role of the vet tech and holding the animal still. One aspect I liked was that other pets I had were able to sniff their buddy after he'd died, which seemed better than the animal just never coming home from the vet's. In the vet's office, I was able to leave the room while they inserted the IV and gave the initial sedative. (Being phobic about needles, this was especially helpful for me.)

Some people can't bear to be with their pets while they are being put to sleep. As difficult as it is, I feel that I owe it to them to be present and to let them know how much they added to my life. It's a heartwrenching event, but after all they've done for me, it's the least I can do for them.

After the pet dies, you will need to decide what you're going to do with the body. Will you bury the remains or have the pet cremated? If cremated, will you let the facility dispose of the ashes or do you want them back? If you get them back, where will you keep them? It's best to make these decisions before the animal dies, because you won't be in a good frame of mind to make decisions after he dies; at least not right after he dies.

What sort of emotions will you feel before and after your pet dies? I think putting the pet to sleep is fraught with more emotions, or at least different ones, than if the pet dies naturally. For me, there was some guilt and there were some questions. Was it the right time, or should I have waited longer? Did I wait too long and let him suffer more than he needed? It's impossible to know the perfect time to put a pet to sleep, and you shouldn't second guess your decision after the fact. Sometimes, you can tell it's time if there are signs that your pet isn't enjoying life: he won't eat or drink, won't play, can't move, and other indications of no quality of life. Sometimes, your pet will rally and you'll see improvements, but in many cases, this is just temporary. If you really can't decide what to do, talk to your vet. He or she should have a much better idea of whether the pet will improve or not.

After your pet is gone, you will grieve and rightly so. Don't let people tell you you shouldn't be sad just because the loss involved an animal and not a human. For many people, pets are part of the family and we feel like parents to them. They are like surrogate children to us. They are friends that offered unconditional love to us. They greeted us, played with us, slept with us, amused us, protected us, accepted us, and we built our routines around them. Of course we miss them and are sad that they are no longer in our lives.

I would ask that you not allow this sadness to inhibit you from getting another pet when you're ready. I've heard so many people vow to never get another animal because their sadness was so overwhelming. I know it's hard and I remember how painful it is. But there are so many animals in need of good homes with loving people to care for them. And the benefits of having a pet are so numerous and override any negatives that their loss brings. We owe it to them to give them a good life no matter how long or short.